I just learned that I have to completely redo my floor insulation…yup, the whole floor, the one upon which I eat, work, visit, sleep, live. The one upon which all my belongings currently sit. The one upon which all the walls rest.
It appears that the clay upon which the barn sits has led to condensation build up, which has given way to wet insulation, which has begun to compromise the wood frame. Any way you look at it…chaos and a huge expense has descended! No easy answers here.
What surprises me is how relatively calmly – and with some humour – I’m taking it all. I guess that’s part of the beauty of acceptance. It is what it is. Neither freaking out nor hiding out is going to help. Instead I’m open and curious and ready to face the challenges, learn what I need to learn, find the resources that will help me figure out what to do and how to do it. I’ve even wondered what magical new idea or outcome it might lead to! (Don’t get me wrong I’ve had my moments, complete with expletives!)
This time last year I was also hit with a range of challenges. Though I slogged through them valiantly, it was hard. It was hard because I had so little reserves to fall back on then. I guess we could say I was officially burned out. The difference in how I feel as I face my current challenges is striking. With my energy back, I can feel my attitude, my curiosity, my problem solving centers alive and active again.
Acceptance of what is includes recognizing when to stop, when to leap, when to ask for help. You can’t be your best nor offer your best if you are depleted.
Self-care is not selfish, it’s wise. Resting, taking time for yourself, doing nothing … isn’t wasting time (as I experienced it at times). It’s wise action. A farmer knows that a field that is allowed to occasionally lay fallow will reap much more in the future.
You are both farmer and field. Take care of yourself. Tune into what part of the cycle you are meant to be in right now and be there.
Another learning from this year’s creative sabbatical has been how much I get from structured reflection time in the form of writing and sharing my thoughts. So I hereby renew my commitment to weekly posts.
All feedback, including suggesting topics or questions, would be much appreciated.